


Stuck On Repeat

by RenaRoo



Series: RvB Angst War [5]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Discussion of Abortion, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 14:42:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6119686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenaRoo/pseuds/RenaRoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[RvB Angst War] Niner tries to figure out why Carolina left without warning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuck On Repeat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Goodluckdetective (scorpiontales)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiontales/gifts).



> Prompt: ( @goodluckdetective ) Carolina/ship of your choice. Carolina is pregnant and terrified of becoming her father.
> 
> A/N: Hello, darkness, my old friend. Man I’m getting into angsty Carolina feels a lot this Angst War, and I actually kinda love it. I never realized how little I really explore stuff with Carolina outside of some of my bigger fics like Recovery None and Divided until right now. So this is great stuff! Thanks so much to everyone for letting me administer pain to different people for once!

She finds Carolina years later. There’s time and space between them, there’s old aggression and old wounds from a wrecked ship and the broken dreams of too many people who, like them, followed a devastatingly twisted man. 

And there’s a kinship they can share in that discovery of each other again that makes them feel… indebted to each other.

Honestly, Niner doesn’t know what they are. They exist together as two women who grasp at something new to find together do. 

Carolina is happy to see Niner again in ways Wash can’t, or at least that he can’t be every time he hears her voice and remembers who led him in a war against his former best friend for so long. Carolina is accepting of her in ways Wash can’t be for that same fact.

And that’s why, when Carolina has been missing for half the day again, Niner feels compelled to be the one to go find her. 

When she finds Carolina again, she not in armor and she’s not indoors – two things that even in the relative peace of a UNSC ran Chorus they have all tried to avoid doing at the same time – but sitting o na rock overlooking the radiated waste that was once the capital city.

She’s looking at it like it’s keeping secrets from her. 

“Hey,” Niner greets as she walks up to Carolina’s side. She watches for a moment as Carolina’s red hair glimmers in the sunlight. It’s been ages since she saw it windswept rather than slicked back from helmet hair. “Your people are worried about you.”

Carolina is breathing steadily, her eyes are tired and worn though. As if her even breath is not from calm but from the acceptance of the storm.

“Yeah,” she gives in response. 

Niner has never been one for silences, so as Carolina tries to escape into the quiet yet again, she folds her arms and tries to brainstorm reasons as to why this rock and this landscape would be so mesmerizing.

If Niner is being honest (and she always is), it just looks like shit to her.

“Is this where the AI split?” she asks, knowing that perhaps she could use some more tact in her life but knowing if anyone is understanding of it, Carolina is.

“No,” Carolina responds with uncharacteristic solemness. She tilts her chin up and breathes again. “That was on the Charon cruiser that the boys crashed,” she explained. “It’s to the north.”

“Ah,” Niner replies, still caught up in the mystery of _this_ particular spot. “So what brings you here?” 

“Radiation poisoning,” Carolina replies. 

Niner takes a moment, reflects on the thought, then turns to look at the armorless former Freelancer with a great deal of scrutiny. Her head tilts to the side. “There’s a couple of good ways to avoid that.”

“Nausea, vomiting, severe fatigue,” she lists off.

“Skin sloughing off, hair falling out,” Niner joins her. She tilts her head at Carolina. “Got any of those?”

“Working on it,” Carolina replies.

“This is funny and all, but I’m trying to figure out what the fuck it has to do with you. You’re… _stranger_ than normal,” Niner says before plopping down beside Carolina. 

“Do you like families?” Carolina asks.

“Love ‘em. I’m from a huge one, but you know all that,” Niner returns with a casual shrug. She looks at Carolina more and more suspiciously

Carolina’s hands paw at her thighs as she knocks her knees together and leans forward. Her green eyes are shining with something _dangerous_ as she looks out into the bleak setting.

“I think families are a disease,” she says in no uncertain terms.

“Harsh,” Niner snorts.

But Carolina is not finished. “You have this… _thing_ that’s dependent on you. This _thing_ that needs you. And if you’re not… Competent. If you’re not emotionally prepared. Then this _thing_ , this thing that doesn’t come to you, you _forced_ it there… well now it fucking has no choice. It’s stuck there with you. And you fail it. Again. And _again._ And _again._ Well. What the fuck are you supposed to do with that?”

Niner’s brows race to her hairline as she turns to Carolina more directly. “I don’t know,” she says. “Tell me.”

“I don’t know,” Carolina replies. “I don’t know a good way out of that. I don’t think there is a good way out of it.”

“Sounds pretty fucked,” Niner replies.

Carolina is still not looking at Niner as she curls her nails into her pants. “You know what’s fucked? You could be decent, maybe. You could be ready. And your _thing_ could be holding out hope that you’ll be everything they need you to be and then… then you die and leave them anyway. So what’s the fucking point.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure we’ve survived as a species in spite of those odds,” Niner replies.

“Oh fucking _wonderful_ ,” Carolina hisses.

“Hey, don’t get pissed at _me,”_ Niner snaps. “What the fuck’s going on with you?”

At last, Carolina is able to look her in the eyes, but it’s not the expression Niner is hoping to see. There’s no explosive anger, no fierce fighting spirit. She’s got tears in her eyes and a swollen, well-bitten lip. Her hands move up as she hugs herself and pulls her knees up. 

Niner feels cold. She feels… _something._

 _“Carolina,”_ she whispers. 

“I can’t do this,” she explains firmly. “I _won’t.”_

She doesn’t even know where to _start_ as she looks at her partner. Her teeth grit together. 

“Who’s is it?” Niner demands.

“Does it matter?”

“To your girlfriend? Yeah. Yeah, it kinda does,” Niner replies darkly. 

Carolina shakes her head once and looks away. “Mine. Just mine. He’s not in the picture. Never is going to be,” she replies. “That’s why this can’t happen. I know myself, and this isn’t the life I’m going to give anyone else.”

“So… I’m just out of the conversation completely,” Niner laughs bitterly. “Great. Great to know. Good relationship talk, Carolina.”

“It’s not your business,” Carolina snaps.

“ _You_ are my fucking business,” Niner replies. “And if you’re making this decision because you think no one’s on your side, then I’ve fucking failed as a girlfriend.” She turns to leave, takes a breath, and then looks over her shoulder. “And see a doctor. Don’t fucking _irradiate yourself,_ for fuck’s sake. I will take you myself the second I’m done finding someone worthy to pummel.”

Carolina has no words, her head sinking into her knees instead. 

And Niner leaves, feeling like she can barely keep on her feet


End file.
